By God's grace and mercy, He gave me some pretty awesome things to write down shortly following Melissa's passing into life eternal. I want to post them here in the farm blog as a testimony to her and to the amazing God she served in this life and continues to serve in His presence today. I'm just going to cut and paste them here in this series in the rawness and realness of the day they were written (although I did fix some typos!).
October 5th, 2018.
Thank you to all of you for your kind words, thoughts and prayers. Stepping through this process is so difficult, but knowing so many people are going through it with you brings comfort.
I know that many of you were touched by Melissa in some way. Maybe because you knew her personally. Maybe because you enjoyed something she grew or created. So, you are mourning for her in your own way right now. Melissa was a very private person and never wanted the spotlight. She was a tireless and devoted wife and mother, always concerned for the welfare of those around her before herself. She embodied the apostle Paul's declaration to the Philippians: “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Philippians 2:3-4 NKJV
She was passionate about Jesus and wanted everyone to know Him like she does, so she would want me to share how God is working through this time.
God, in His mercy, showed me something yesterday that really helped. When I decided to retire from the Air Force last year, I had no idea this was going to happen. Melissa had been struggling with health problems but we thought she was getting better and that we would figure it out and have many years here together. Even though I didn't know this was coming, God knew. He doesn't get surprised. In His infinite wisdom He gave me the gift of spending almost every day with Melissa since we came home. I mean we were together almost constantly. He knew that I would need that and that my kids would need that too.
Another thing He helped me with: Melissa died in our newly built green house or “high tunnel” that she loved. She was going out to plant some seeds. At first I wanted to tear it down and never go in it again. But last night a friend pointed something out to us that was profound. That was not where Melissa died, that was where she met Jesus. Wow. Praise God! My heart hurts so bad, but to think about it that way totally changes things doesn't it?
Do you fear meeting God when you die? You don't have to. For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved. John 3:16-17 NKJV
I don't want to sound preachy, or that I have all the answers because I don't. Especially right now. But I do have the answer to the biggest question. Maybe no one ever shared that with you before: that you can have peace with God. I know that Melissa would want me to share that with you. She absolutely believed it was true, and so do I. In times of tragedy, He wants to bring us peace and He made a way for that. Seek Him, trust Him, cling to Him. He will bring you home. That's what He promises.
Maybe that's why He had us name it Promised Land Farm…because He knew this was where Melissa would finally see Him face to face, just like He promised.
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